The Danger of Stuff
Stuff. I have it. I love it, but now I am trying to get rid of it.
We all have stuff. We grow up getting it as gifts or rewards, it makes us feel better or like we belong. Some stuff is amazing and gives life meaning and purpose but at some point in life stuff begins to become a toxic thing. The items that were rewards or comfort begin to turn into status symbols or the items which we pursue relentlessly only to feel the void they were meant to fill deepen once we attain them. Not every item does this, nor does every person struggle with this. However, for many of us stuff becomes the thing we keep chasing and we use it to fill an emotional void within ourselves much like many of us have used food. “This (insert item you HAD to have that ultimately does not bring you the joy and fulfilment you assigned to it before possessing it) is going to be so amazing, I just HAVE to get it”. Over a lifetime we all assemble a ton of stuff. Arguably that stuff gets in the way.
When I say, “stuff gets in the way” I don’t just mean “your house looks like an episode of Hoarders, please allow me to assist you in digging yourself out”. Rather I mean “your soul looks like an episode of Hoarders but still feel cavernous, let me help you dig your way out”. You see, for those who seek out stuff to feel better or “whole” even the stuff is just something that numbs you to the emotional hole you are trying to fill. While food serves as the first source of material comfort for us, for many of us especially those in a Western cultural upbringing stuff is something we get for existing. “congratulations you existed another year, here is STUFF!” Typically, those childhood memories of getting gifts for birthdays are fond ones surrounded by family and perhaps friends and feature delicious food and cake. There are multiple occasions throughout the year that likely resulted in getting stuff with no real obligation and at some point all the stuff becomes something ingrained in us that brings us pleasure.
As we grow older and more independent we begin to have our own money and no longer have to wait for a special occasion to heed the call of stuff. Instead we can open our phone and get it delivered within 2 days, maybe less depending on where you live. Maybe your relationship is going poorly or has ended and you are lonely and feel isolated. Bringing stuff into your life soothes that at least temporarily and makes the existential pain less in the immediate moment but save for a few rare items that stuff simply won’t actually soothe that pain. Instead the more we chase that feeling we will find ourselves drowning. In debt. In dissatisfaction. In need. In stuff.
Now you are probably asking yourself some questions. How do we escape this? Is there any hope? Are you some sort of weird hippie living on a commune and just trying to get me to join your weird pseudo-cult?
We will never fully escape this because we live in a world that values things and ties your identity into those things. I said at the outset, I love stuff. Some of my stuff brings me joy and satisfaction. To rescue ourselves we have to inventory what we have, hat we want, and what we need. Ridding ourselves of items we don’t actually need and don’t really use is freeing. In fact, if you have been plagued with stuff for a while getting rid of some of it is transformative. For older people like me who have grown up in a portion of the analog age, getting rid of some excess stuff is akin to turning the radio or TV dial to the right station. In the past if you were between stations you would hear and/or see static that somehow was ten times louder than normal TV and radio sounds. Freeing ourselves of stuff is like being able to tune directly into the channel we want because all that clutter and background static is suddenly lessened immensely. For those who have lived entirely in a digital age it may make more sense to think of it as a long and complicated URL or trying to find someone on social media who has a weird character in their name. If you mistype it, even by one character you will be off in the wilderness seeing something other than that you wanted to see.
Owning stuff is a necessity. We need clothing, utensils, transportation, communication and entertainment. It is a fine line between meeting your needs with things and the problem we face is when we begin to overconsume and when we try to replace our emotional needs with physical (or even digital) goods. The good feeling you get from buying and owning something is typically short-lived. It’s like the feeling someone addicted to a substance experiences. There is that moment where you are feeling no pain but once the initial effects wear off you are back to needing to feel that feeling again. Your stuff is going to get in the way. Your stuff is never going to make you feel the way you want it to and you will just continue to accumulate more and more in hopes of feeling the way you felt receiving gifts early on in your life. For me, it took years to discover that I had pursued stuff relentlessly because I felt I needed it to be seen as successful. Beyond that it was filling a void I felt in a relationship that simply was not meeting my emotional needs at all.
By peeling back the layers of stuff, downsizing, donating, selling, trashing or whatever other means I had to take to let go I have been able to uncover so much within me that are maladapted coping mechanisms.I have been able to move forward and work on healing myself and overcoming my reliance on stuff to make me happy.I still buy things and I still have far more stuff than I would ever truly NEED.However, now I reflect on anything I want to buy.I ask myself if I genuinely need it.Often the answer is no because that is usually how stuff works.But because I do not live on a commune, I do still buy things sometimes because I want them.I just evaluate any purchase and figure out my motivation behind making that purchase.I want the things I invest in to be things that I get a lot of use out of and that will bring me a good feeling when I do use them.A good example is I like sneakers.They release thousands of new sneakers every year.A person only NEEDS maybe one or two pairs of shoes.If a new sneaker is coming out that I love I will reflect on if it is one I will wear with frequency and love.If it isn’t then I let it go and don’t invest my money or energy on it.Sometimes there is a pair that meets my criteria but I can’t swing it in my budget currently.In that situation I also let it go.I have enough shoes to last me years even with heavy use so going into debt for a shoe does more long-term damage than any benefit I could obtain.At the end of the day, everyone will have a different experience with stuff.My advice is to be intentional with your stuff.Make good choices and only invest in things that will bring you long-term pleasure from them.Make sure you are meeting your needs before you think about your wants.If five years from now this purchase will be inconsequential to your life it is something you can skip and won’t experience much regret in doing so.