The Definition of Success
How do you define success? Is it the satisfaction of knowing you’ve done the best you could? Maybe it’s praise and recognition for what you do and what you accomplish. Beyond that, maybe you define your success with the contacts you have made in a higher social circle. Deeper than that, maybe you define success by your wealth and possessions like these are the trophies that you have earned for all your energy. Perhaps you define success as being happy (oh please for the love of god don’t say happiness). Ultimately, none of these is right and they will all leave you feeling hollow and like you have fallen short of success. They may each provide a temporary respite from the feelings of failure or inadequacy but none of these are true measures of success or achievement. Why do we pursue these things or put stock into them when they are essentially false idols of success and where should we turn our focus instead? At some point in life we learn to judge our worth through things we amass whether that is titles, contacts in a higher social circle, luxury items, square footage in our homes or other material sources of pride. Don’t think I am advocating for a shack in the woods with no electricity or material goods, because I sure as hell wouldn’t want that for myself. But at some point we need to recognize that WE are enough and that we HAVE enough.
Attempting to measure success through material worth will never be a valid measure because someone will always have more, or there will always be a bigger better house, more luxurious car, or a more sparkly trinket than the one you already have. You may have heard the term “rat race” talking about those who are so focused on work they lack time for leisure or other pursuits. Our defining our success through material items is more of a “hamster race” because it’s getting on a wheel, running furiously and never getting any further no matter how long we run. You’ll feel like you are getting somewhere as you get a bigger house and a nicer car, but then you’ll see that it’s still not sufficient to quench that need within you, so you’ll chase bigger, better, more expensive, more exclusive and staying dissatisfied.
Rising in social circles yields a similar result to getting more material goods. You will rub elbows with the right people but you’ll never truly fit in or have the true connection with them your heart desires. Instead, you’ll notice their “success” and how short you fall compared to them. You may become embarrassed in their presence and not want them to see your car or your house lest they look down on you or cast you from this new circle which you are attempting to rise into. The façade you will erect around yourself in the company of this higher level of achievement will serve as a wall keeping you trapped and keeping them out making it impossible for you to be vulnerable with them enough to develop any true relationship. By simply creating that divide you eliminate the likelihood of ever establishing a relationship with them in a natural way by having your paths cross and being an authentic version of yourself that would allow you to earnestly join their social circle and be able to reside their comfortably.
We all enjoy praise and recognition for a good job and that sure feels like success. It may be a closer indicator of success than many other measures, but only when it is genuine. The problem lies therein, because we ultimately want to believe that all praise and recognition is genuine and that we are deserving of it all. However, praise can be self-serving in order to get you to adhere to someone else’s expectations or to encourage you to do what they need you to do for them. The key distinction there is that you’ll be helping them succeed while sacrificing yourself and your true purpose. Now, if you are aligned on the same project with the same goal and are working truly in tandem then that may be the right kind of recognition and praise and it comes in positive and appreciative feedback. Good leaders will give you praise and recognition and you will want to work harder for them. If your goals actual goals are not aligned with your leaders though, you are working towards their, and the organizations success rather than your own. You’ll feel that surge of self-worth regardless of their motivations, but that doesn’t mean you are successful.
Doing the best you could is what we heard from our parents growing up as a measure of accomplishment. However, that doesn’t hold water when we apply it to almost anything in life. As a parent I can safely say I wouldn’t want to put my child in a crib I tried my best to assemble nor in a car someone somewhere along an assembly line tried their best. I could sit down tomorrow and attempt to write the code for the greatest video game of all time and I could try my ABSOLUTE best and it would result in a pile of gibberish nobody would be able to do anything with. I lack the expertise in coding and therefore would fail miserably. Trying my best would remain an abject failure. Trying your best at everything you are investing your time in should be your aim in anything in life. You should give everything you have to your relationships, your children, and anything of value. If it isn’t of value then it isn’t really worth your time and you should find a way to remove that distraction from your life.
Success is finding your purpose and investing in it. Finding the thing you were born to do and the thing that excites you and challenges you every day. Find that purpose and invest in it, put energy into it, nurture it and grow it. I have a guilty pleasure in professional wrestling. I have watched it off and on my entire life. Recently, it occurred to me that not everyone rises to the ranks where they are the face of a company. Sure they can be famous and well-known and maybe they have a title run for a while. However, it seems that the people who are most successful are the ones who invest in their wrestling careers. It’s not strictly about the company they work for, selling the most merch, or holding the biggest title for the entirety of their career. In fact, even the greatest wrestlers out there have dropped the title to other people in order to further those others’ careers and better their business. For many of the greats who have longevity they derive their sense of success simply from being able to perform this role night after night. It is what they were built for and what they have longed for for years. These wrestlers can be a source of inspiration. All they want to do is go out, put on a good show for fans and further the art of wrestling (yes I called it an art, I couldn’t act out those moves or take the physical punishment they do and last for more than 18 seconds). They view themselves as responsible to the history of the business and to ensure that they help pave the way for future wrestlers. Sure, some of them have the wrong motivations or seedy sides but understanding that the call to a vocation is a true measure of success make them fairly good role models in the understanding of success.